Can you guess the number 1 money block that I hear from women over and over again???
“I just have to ask my husband.”
Now, half of me wants to scream when I hear this, and the other half of me is actually super proud of them.
Well, because I get it.
In the past I used the “husband” excuse all the time.
” I just have to ask my husband and I’ll let you know.”
This was my standard cop out for every time:
- I didn’t want to do something,
- I thought it was out of my price range,
- Or, I wasn’t into it but didn’t want to sound like a jerk and say “I’m just not interested”.
Now I totally say, “thanks, but it’s just not my vibe”.
But, back then I used my darling husband as an excuse. Every. Time.
It was a cop out, it was cowardly, because my husband wasn’t really the bad guy.
However, on the flip side…
If it’s not an excuse, and these beautiful women are actually stopping to communicate with their man before making big decisions…then I totally applaud them. *You go Glen Coco*!!
But when does that really happen?
The problem is, you and I both know those conversations hardly ever actually happen
Normally because we women chicken out and never even ask. Or, we get shut down immediately. Or, we don’t actually present our case in the right way…which results in a hard NO!
Time for a lesson in men vs women!
Understand this – men’s brains work differently to women’s brains.
We process ‘success’ and ‘value’ in different ways.
Men are facts and figures. Men like results. And I don’t blame them, results are SEXY.
But women, we ‘feel’ success in different ways.
But what this all means, is that even though we are trying to communicate, often this is where the communication breaks down.
See here’s the thing ….
Men are born protectors and providers, they don’t want to see you get hurt, so they try to protect you.
Unfortunately this is so often by telling you “It’s not a good idea”, “Are you sure you can do it?”, “Who do you think you are?”, “It’s just another thing you’re going to try and quit”.
They hurt you to try and stop you getting hurt – messed up hey, well welcome to a man’s brain!
It’s not because you wouldn’t make a good business owner, you don’t have the money, you haven’t selected a good business to start, or you haven’t found a good mentor to invest in.
It’s because you haven’t convinced the most important person in this endeavour to get on board with your decision.
So now it’s time to get on the same page.
As a wife, a money mindset coach and business mentor, I know how important it is for married couples to be in sync when it comes to an important decision – especially when it is around investing in self growth.
It’s why I absolutely insist that as we dig deeper into the self-discovery process, both hubby and yourself are part of the conversation.
If you’re struggling to get your husband’s agreement on investing in coaching or programs that can give you tools for an amazing life, then here are some tips to help you come together.
? Consider the setting for your big announcement.
Ever had your spouse deliver big news to you just as you were falling asleep? How about at the end of what’s been a really awful day for you?
Think about the timing of that conversation.
- Is there a natural time of the week when you and your spouse are alert and engaged in conversation?
- Could you plan a date night to discuss it over dinner?
Picking the right time to open the conversation will go a long way to determining your success. TRUST ME!
Assuming you didn’t marry someone that’s just trying to keep you down, odds are they have some genuine concerns about your decision.
Rather than seeing whether or not you can shut the argument down, pay attention to what they have to say.
- It is a money concern?
- Did your spouse have a bad experience in the past?
- Is there concern about the time commitment?
Take notes if you need to, but take these concerns seriously.
If you don’t have a good answer immediately, work to find good answers. Whatever you do, don’t just ignore what’s being said. It’s likely that they come from a genuine place of concern that needs to be addressed before moving forward.
? Have a game plan.
Investing in coaching, starting a business, hiring your first team member…it’s new, it’s scary and it takes courage.
The best way to ensure your spouse will shut down your goals of becoming an entrepreneur are to present a half-baked idea, without any facts or reasons to back up your interest.
- Why do you want to work with a coach?
- Why do you want to start or grow the business?
- How can we afford it?
- What happens if it doesn’t work?
? Be open.
Your initial conversation with your hubby doesn’t have to be the unveiling of a final presentation (glitter pie charts and vision boards not needed!).
Sometimes, the better conversation starts with, “Honey, I want to start looking into getting some mindset coaching and
This alleviates the need for you to have all the answers up front. You are only declaring your intention to explore the idea.
Even better, you can ask your husband to take the journey with you. (If they are into it of course. My husband would rather sticks hot forks in his eyes than research Facebook Ad coaches!!)
Perhaps you end up delving into personal growth together, perhaps not, but certainly they are more likely to get on board with your plans if they are part of the process and feel involved.
? Be flexible.
Don’t let your conversation hit an impasse by being stubborn when a bit of flexibility could get you approval to proceed with confidence and support.
Is there an upcoming life event your hubby would like to get past before jumping into a commitment? Agree to keep things in the exploratory phase for a bit.
Is there disagreement about your family’s financial health? Set some financial goal markers that will trigger new phases of the process.
If you don’t agree on what type of coaching or business you’d be right for, suggest some more research and ask for his input.
The end result makes it all worth it!
How you approach these conversations, as well as the intentions you set about what you’re trying to achieve…this makes all the difference.
I’ve used all these tips to make sure my husband is always 100% on board with any of my crazy ideas…and yes some of them are completely crazy.
Now it’s your turn.
To step into the BRAVE version of YOU!
Connect with Shona on:
Facebook: Sexy Selfish
Shona Gates, Sexy Selfish
Shona is a mum of 2, a self-proclaimed badass, wine lover and authenticity ambassador.
As a Money Mindset Coach, she is passionate about empowering mums, helping them to overcome their limiting beliefs about money, totally transform their money mindset and un-complicate their finances.
Shona is an SA Woman Member. Click the link below to join her and hundreds of other like-minded, local South Australian women in business.